Psalm 39 Awareness

With self-talk I discuss in my head "what in the world are you thinking and dreaming?" If you cannot control you thoughts how can you control your words? The lack of self-control is an excuse used by the rebellious.

I was silent but stunned in my mind; these thoughts froze my body still. I kept quiet in shock; I didn't talk to anyone, not even You God. The silence rang loud and clear of conviction as this mental battle began.

My identity with its understanding and awareness inflamed my mind; I complained and justified but the anger grew: finally I spoke the truth to myself.

Lord help me to know my boundaries within my thinking pattern, as well as the capacity of my mental limitations; I need Your help to know this. These boundaries will enable my feelings of how empty and rejected they are by You.

It is You who appoints, then executes each new beginning as a promotion to a growth stage, as a support system, and a coping mechanism; this is not determined by age. I have learned this about me: when I think I am established and upright in understanding human behavior, I am totally empty and lead astray by my own desires. Stop and think about that.

My presupposition was that every individual can and does motivate himself to grow and prosper, but in what? This is the deciding factor in question, empty idols or servants of God? It is no wonder I am filled with anxiety and trouble; I collect unhealthy thoughts of self-centered luxuries. Who will benefit from this attitude and behavior? What time am I wasting or throwing away?

Lord, what am I waiting for? These expectations are painful and dreadful. I trust in You, but I know full well I must take action on my part.

Direct me out of this awareness of rebellious attitudes within me: do not enable me to make myself a disgrace in defamation. Do not allow me to display arrogant, self-righteous, or self-indulgent attitudes.

I am dumb-founded. I kept quiet because I never realized the battle within my thinking was a prerequisite to my behavior.