Psalm 69 Discipline [The Call of Separation]

Preserve me Lord, the reality of my underdeveloped identity has made me fully aware of how inept I am in Your service.

I regress into the preoccupation of spiritual lethargy. I find no endurance or security; I am fully absorbed with the condition of poor self-esteem. A deluge of unstable emotional turmoil drowns me.

I am really tired of being transparent: my throat is dry from crying; my knowledge of You is weak, I wait painfully for the hope I have in You.

There are people who hate me without cause or rational reason; many are confused and full of anxiety: they want to destroy my reputation because of what I know of them.

With lies and acts of hatred they determine carnal attitudes because of what they do in secret. I have reestablished and restored the identities that were immature; but these wounded souls were not abused by me.

Lord You comprehend my lack of wisdom: my shortcomings are many and not hid from You.

Do not enable those who hate me be filled with guilt; do not let them be ashamed because of what I know of them. Do not let their searching of You be wounded or insulted because of me.

I suffer mental anguish because of this transparency; it defames my pride and envelops my self-esteem.

My friends think I am hopeless, I am rejected by people who call themselves my family, and the builders of the family name ignore or run from me.

They are full of jealousy, this has developed a prison within their own identity. They are devoured with arrogance and they have a scornful attitude toward Your Word. This overwhelms me.

When I whine or cry through fasting prayer, my identity is revealed of how inept I truly am. I am full of remorse.

I tried to hide by constructing a facade to cover these feelings: I became a joke to those around me and a sham to myself.

There are people who have established themselves as gatekeepers to my soul, fruit inspectors to my spirit, and self-appointed judges that talk unmercifully against my character: I am abused for the truth I know and the lies they tell. These are drunk with their own importance and power.

I will reconcile myself with You and am determined to pray for these who wound themselves at my expense: Lord, You are kind to me, grant discipleship, and favor whenever I need it; You listen to my cries, the stability of Your salvation helps me to endure the attitudes and behaviors from Your people.

Direct me out of this mess that Your children love to wallow in, enable me not to relapse into grief: help me to escape their hatred and poor self-esteem that occupies their rational being.

Do not allow their self-absorption to conquer my thoughts; neither enable this preoccupation of carnal attitudes and behaviors to swallow me. Do not enable their grave of self-pity to devour me.

Pay attention to their praise of You Lord, they need Your kindness and favor it is their spiritual prosperity; prepare me with Your compassionate love.

I need Your acceptance right now, I am totally stressed. I need to hear Your voice of reason and wisdom.

Redeem their identity in Your secure character: preserve them from these acts of hatred.

You have always understood insecurity: this distress and anxiety manifests itself before You as prayer requests and gossip.

This openness overwhelms my identity and emotional status: I am stressed at this abuse and sick of it: I want to be consoled, no one consoles me. I want to be avenged, but not one stands up.

These acts of hatred has poisoned my transparency: my eagerness to serve became grievous behaviors of complaint.

Entrap these attitudes and behaviors, so that I may endure a healthy lifestyle.

Enable my ignorance to not be misunderstood as insecurity and anxiety. I need Your strength Lord.

Disburse my indignation and inability to gain Your acceptance.

Expose and devastate these defense mechanisms that have developed as spiritual facades; do not allow them comfort in the protective wall that they have built around their justified positions.

Harass the attitudes and behaviors that have wounded my discipleship; I do not partake in the anguish of gossip, for there is enough consequences for the lack of wisdom.

Assign consequences to any offences that I may have caused: I cannot enter into Your call of separation without a cleansing of my identity.

Erase the reality of these carnal attitudes that are displayed as carnal behaviors against me; enable me to walk just and clean before You.

I submit myself to this developmental stage so that I might enable Your call into transparency; defend me so that I will be strong in Your character.

I walk in a transparent lifestyle; I give glory to the definite and conspicuous position of faith within my life, mark of individuality within my dynamics, and honorable character within my new lifestyle. I love being nourished with a maturation that honors You with true thanksgiving.

This will enable the Lord to be visible in my life; You accept me as Your child. This is better than all the power or strength of service for mankind I will ever do.

Many have submitted to this discipline; they will discern and understand this psalm and be gratified: my identity and emotional well being is revived because I diligently search for You Lord.

You are attentive to anyone who suffers from deprivation and You do not disesteem anyone who fights an emotional battle within themselves.

Enable Your intelligence and confidence to be transparent within us; we give You the glory for our health. Enable Your peace to dwell in those who need it and allow those who are mature in You to praise You.

You Lord are open to our conspicuousness in worship, it is You who builds and makes repairs of our natural man: we praise Your comfort given during this time of stress.

This is the fruit of the work that is done in our lives by You Lord. We worship You and are so thankful. We love Your definite and conspicuous position of faith in our walk before You. We love Your mark of individuality within our personal dynamics, and praise Your honorable character within our lives.

You are the satisfaction in our lives on this earth.